i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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