Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
