Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
