Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
