Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
wow bdsm is so cute
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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