i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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