I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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