I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
