i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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