Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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