Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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