woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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