I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
