You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
