remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
