She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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