She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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