just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
