Old men and throwing up are my life now.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
