I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
