what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
