the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
