Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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