I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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