i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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