3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
