i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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