I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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