What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
