If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
