At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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