i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
