I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
