Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
