wakey wakey hands off snakey
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
