There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
