I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
