Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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