11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
