thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
