One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize