And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
youre lurking in front of me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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