I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
