I puked a lego.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
