dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
