Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
