i jhust puked up my retainher.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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