Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
