I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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