so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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