I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
