Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My first STD was from a foam party
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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