I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just had sex bonerless
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
