whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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