i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
