I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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