the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this boner is exhausting
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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