I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
