last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
