I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
