Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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