I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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