So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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