there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
