I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
