Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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