i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
