I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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