Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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