is your mom at the bar?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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