too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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