Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
