the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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