Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
