I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
