Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
