did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
