We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
