i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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