i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
