dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
